It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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