My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
