I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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