Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
