Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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