I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
