i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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