i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
