I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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