Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
