i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
