two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
