So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize