I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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