There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
