I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
