Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
