I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
