oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
