Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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