woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize