My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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