I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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