I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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