I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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