apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
