So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
