Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
