Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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