My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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