is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
