Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
