Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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