there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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