in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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