How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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