You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
