If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
