Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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