Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
