i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who died my cat blue again?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
