I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
