i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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