So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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