69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
