we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
