I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
