so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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