My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
