The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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