I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
