you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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