Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
