So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
