Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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