we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
