Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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