Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize