is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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