I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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