Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
