that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
